My son is firmly entrenched into the routine of 3rd grade. He has assimilated with little difficulty into the world of inclusion. His work, though not the volume of his peers, is nevertheless done well and correct. His interaction with classmates, aides, and his teacher is good. For the most part he looks forward to going to school each and every day, pushing his limits in the process.
This was not always so. In the beginning, classroom behavior meandered between compliant to surly, which created challenges difficult to anticipate. Following directions at the same speed and ability of his classmates was a fifty-fifty proposition. Much depended on his attitude toward the request at hand. So, how we arrived where we are today, from this uncertain beginning is both a wonder and by design. The wonder is how he navigated daily interventions without necessary support. The design was the product of considerable time and effort on the part of my wife and Brandon’s teachers. We are progressing daily and this is a gratifying place to be.
While reflecting on this transformation from bystander to active owner in the educational process, lessons were learned. The lessons learned are repeatable, therefore; I’ve identified 23 for others to keep in mind as their child or children navigate the minefield of public education.
Lesson 1: Never assume a former resource teacher has the knowledge, heart, or desire to teach your child with Down syndrome. It is more likely than not that they were assigned to your child without any input.
Note to teacher and parent: Take time to meet as a team outside of your IEP (Individualized Education Plan) to discuss learning and behavior interventions.
Lesson 2: Don’t ever underestimate the power wielded by the secretary at your school. She can make things happen and is in pole position to help you when the principal won’t or can’t. Like any manager, unless the principal perceives helping you or your child will help further their career they aren’t going to put you and your child at the top of their “to do” list. They will not go out of their way unless they have a good reason. Work on making yourself that reason.
Lesson 3: Even if your child is easy-going, they will bite, spit, kiss, kick and or poke other children by modeling other kid’s behaviors. The difference is ours’ will be suspended because they are too obvious and wind up getting caught.
Lesson 4: Help support your teachers in every way possible. Make their job easier in whatever small or big way that you can: purchase supplies, help in the classroom, volunteer for everything and become involved in PTA. Do this because you want to and because it will help your child to see you there, but don’t expect any preferential treatment or extra appreciation. Just do it.
Lesson 5: Do not wait for your child to be invited to birthday parties, play dates or the like. Reach out to all the kids but especially those that are on the periphery (you know who I mean, the kids that don’t normally get invited to anything). They make the best friends for children with Down syndrome. When your child does get invited, make every effort to try to make the party. It’s worth it!
Lesson 6: Set up recess buddies if your child is on a big playground with or without an aide. We had two 5th graders who were wonderful. They even made the other kids want to join in and help which enhances the inclusion opportunities for your child.
Lesson 7: Don’t assume other kids will know your child is different. They will just think your child with Down syndrome is smaller than the rest. The key is to jump in with both feet and allow your child to shine. Every playground has kids who are lifters and these are the kids who will seek out nice children to be around regardless of their disabilities.
Lessons 8 – 15 will follow in my next column.